Jeff

2 years

So two days ago at midnight (2/1 @ 0:00) my girlfriend and I reached our 2 year milestone. It has been a short 2 years and I really don’t see an end coming. It is almost weird that 2 years can feel so short and I almost feel like I am taking it for granted, because I just feel like there are a lot more years to come. I feel weird dwelling on it, I just like thinking about all that lies ahead for us. I love you sweetheart.

In other news… I have recently begun a possible redesign of this site. I will hopefully get a good chunk of it worked on through this week and toss it up sometime. I am still in the midst of mocking it up, but I am hopeful to have something together in the next week and have it usable by the time I go to New York with my girlfriend in March. I am also in the midst of planning a trip to Japan with my friend Devin. I am now able to save money primarily from my paychecks as I am all caught up on necessities for my apartment (or most of, I still need to get bedding). I also just finally updated my Windows 7 from RC to RTM, so it isn’t going to die in a month or whatever it is. I will probably spend a few hours now trying to polish off a mockup, but I doubt I will get it to a point where I am happy tonight, but hopefully sometime this week.

no doubt

Why does she always have this doubt about me ?

Have I not been clear enough in my feelings and thoughts ?

I just hate hearing it, hearing that she doubts me. The fact that she seems to believe that she will end up alone and that I will suddenly get this urge to go looking for something better when she’s the only one I’ve wanted to be with for so long. She just seems afraid to give in, to commit like I have. It pains me, I am so scared right now. Scared that I may have ended it, if only by accident. I want to be with her, I have not a single inkling of doubt about that fact, but if she is always going to give herself an avenue out, a way for me to hurt her to make it easier for her to get out, I don’t know how this can continue. I am too afraid of hurting her, I don’t want to be like those other guys, the ones who think their feelings are above those they love. I would rather suffer than see my actions put someone I love in pain. I just don’t want to see it over, not when I feel there is still so much more to go. But if I will end up hurting you, which these doubts I feel will bring about this pain, then I don’t want to give myself the chance to let it come to fruitation.

If you are reading this, know that I am always here, there is nothing holding me back. I have not once been untrue to you. I just hope and pray that it will be all better, I don’t know what will happen with the rest of this semester otherwise…